The Best Ways to Get Fat
What could you do on a daily or weekly basis to gain body fat? It’s pretty simple really and most of these things can be done without even thinking about them:
- Drink your calories. This is an easy one. Never choose water and instead, drink soft drinks, cordials, fruit juices and even load up on diet drinks. The only way to drink your water if you want to gain body fat, is to choose flavoured varieties.
- Skip meals on a regular basis. This is just about guaranteed to get your eating way too much and also will aid you to make bad food choices because you’re so hungry later. Also causes drops in blood sugar which are great for increasing cravings.
- Go to bed too late, watch telly in bed or develop any other bad sleeping habit. This will cause havoc with your hormones, increase cravings and also cause you to over eat due to a lack of energy and focus. Whatever you do, don’t get more than 6 hours of sleep per night, or, if you must, make sure you get at least 9 or more hours as getting too much sleep can also cause you to overeat. Watching TV at night is also a great way to waste time that could otherwise be spent sleeping.
- Snack or choose foods for meals according to whatever is most convenient and easy to get. Do not under any circumstances try to be organised or prepared. Just grab the easiest thing available especially if it can be ordered and delivered or you can order and pick up within 10 minutes or so. Take away food is great for piling on the kilos. Ditto for being organsied during the day with food when away from the home. Do not under any circumstances preprepare snacks and take them with you. Just be sure to grab whatever is available.
- Do not undertake physical activity unless it involves taking it easy, having long rests and not overexerting yourself. Best not to do anything though just to be sure.
- If you do anything physical, make sure you undo any benefits it might have had by consuming energy drinks and bars. In case you accidentally burn any calories while exercising, make sure you replace them with calorie laden flavoured drinks and snacks. Energy drinks are especially good at undoing benefits of training.
- Drink alcohol as often as possible. Even a once per week binge will ensure that fat stores are laid in your body and remain there.
- Have a cheat meal or day every week. If you can’t force yourself eat whatever you want for an entire day, even just one cheat meal per week will undo a lot of what you’ve achieved during the week if you forgot to make bad food choices on a daily basis.
- Don’t think about what you’re eating and drinking and most definitely don’t record it. Choose solely on availability and taste. Do not think about nutrient content, protein content, calories, fats, chemical additives etc. Just shove it in in as larger quantities as possible.
- Eat as much as possible of ‘diet’ products. Anything labelled ‘non fat, low fat, diet, skinny, lite, light etc’ is great in large quantities. You know you can eat extra of this to put on extra body fat at any time.
- Be sure to hang around the tea or lunch room at work especially when its someone’s birthday or the boss shouts morning tea. Other great places to hang are at kids birthday parties, right next to the food table or at the buffet when out. And always make sure you have plenty of snacks on hand on your desk at work. Especially lollies, choccys and other nibbly food that’s impossible to eat just one of.
- When you’re feeling bad about something, make sure you have on hand an assortment of rubbish foods to medicate yourself with. These are guaranteed to make you feel worse (and guilty) so that any thoughts of making good choices are thrown totally out the window in favour of eating even more crap